It's Been Awhile

Since my last entry, there have been many moons and seasons. Summer has come and gone and I am about to finish up the first semester of my Sophomore year at BSU. Can you believe it? CRAZINESS!!!

"I'm a Big Girl, Now!"

I remember, when I was a little girl, that I'd crawl up on the counter tops and stand as high as I could. I wanted to know what a big person's view of the world looked like. At the time, it was pretty scary. I'm glad we, as humans, grow a little bit at a time. Can you imagine the torture of one huge growing pain, the disgustingness of the stretch marks, and the awkwardness of growing tall-- all at once?

Another memory just popped into my head! When I was still a little girl (probably around the same time that I crawled up on the counter) I had a dream that my family was going out to eat at a Burger King when, all of the sudden, I started to grow! It was the weirdest thing (kind of like when Alice (in Alice in Wonderland) eats the pastry and grows really huge). I remember saying "Hold on guys, I'm growing. Wait for me!" like it was a normal, everyday, little kid thing to do. I'm glad we don't all shoot up in a matter of minutes. It would be fast, yes, but I like doing some things bit by bit. I'm not sure I could have handled one huge zip to 5'7". The elevation change would have killed me and I'm afraid of heights enough, as it is.... hehe.

Los Libros

Do I have any favorite books? Yes. I love books and am in love with the idea of books. Having the chance to read makes for a lovely get-a-way. Nothing compares to being able to picture the scenery, characters, and basically everything that is within the pages of a well written piece of literature.

How does one go about envisioning a story? All it takes is a wee bit of an imagination. It is like going to the movies only better because it broadens one's vocabulary, there is no positive or negative influence of a movie director, and it is just better.... :)

Peter Pan is my all time favorite book.


J.M Barrie's idea about kids not having to grow up fascinates me, I guess. Staying young forever and growing old both could be considered curses and blessings.... I like to think about all of the different factors and then try and picture myself as Wendy. I often wonder, if I were her, whether or not I would have stayed in Never Never Land or decided to grow up.

Anyways, it is such a magical little story and every time I read it, I feel like I am reconnected to my childhood. It is a nice little reminder that I don't ever want to lose such a connection, ya know?

Plus... Any story with pirates, mermaids, fairies, flying, magic, and fabulous word usage (i.e. "Proud and insolent youth, prepare to meet thy doom!" "Dark and sinister man, have at thee!" (doesn't that just make you want to whip out a sword???)) is bound to win my favor.

My Spirit's Nocturn

Stars are shining above me

The wind tickles my skin

And I smile 'cause my heart's free

Beating and soaring within

Home Sweet Home

I am finally back from from my summer travels and have decided that there is definitely no place like home! I enjoyed the majority of my trips to California and Washington, but they both had their stressful moments.

As I mentioned, in a previous post, my brother decided to get hitched. Little Davey is now a married man! Can you believe it? I wouldn't be able to, were it not for my presence at the temple and their receptions.

...Sorry, but this post is being cut short and by "cut short" I mean that it is done.

Would you like an explanation? Well, let me just say that time's been a tickin' and I've been a slackin'. Because of the amount of time that has lapsed from when I first started typing, my creative juices are pulling me on to bigger and better (or, at least, more recent) topics.

Inspired Compositions

What is it about some music that makes a person's heart stir? I swear, from my own experience, that some pieces of music give me goose bumps, bring tears to my eyes, and take my breath away. Why is it that music can enter our very souls with such ease and magnificent power?

I adore music. I always have and assuredly always shall. I love to sing and play instruments. One day, I hope to be able to compose my own works of music. How amazing it would be to portray the whole spectrum of emotion through the perfect usage of melodies, motifs, key signatures, cadences, dynamics, and similar devices.

I have started several pieces and am planning on completing (or at least furthering my efforts) on each, throughout the rest of the summer. Any advice for an experimenting musician?

To the Lake and Back Again: A Boating Tale

I fried myself at the lake, today. You may be asking, "Brooke, is this a good thing?" Of course it is! In fact, I had a blast while doing so. I know, I know, I need to be careful about too much sun. Skin cancer is a very real disease and one that I would prefer to only hear about (and even that is disheartening).

Anyway, a few of my friends have a boat and all of the needed gear for hours of playin' in the water. After getting up early, readying things for the day, and traveling out of town, there is nothing like lathering on the sunscreen and hanging out on the lake.

We packed some scrumptious food. So... if we weren't on the boat, we could gobble down all sorts of goodies. On the boat, though, was where the real excitement occurred. We took turns tubing, wake boarding, and water skiing. I have had some not so enjoyable experiences with water skiing, though, and ended up opting out of that particular activity. I need to take a jump of courage and get rid of this little fear. Maybe, on my next boat outing, I'll be brave.

Story time...

A long time ago, when I first attempted to water ski, my small body was nothing but skin and bones. That's right, I had no meat and by meat I mean muscle. I was one weak little girl, that is for sure! I could have gained some muscles, I suppose, had I continued my efforts in perfecting the art of water skiing, but one try was all the sport got out of me.

Because of a lack of muscles, I could hardly lift myself up enough to even really ride on the skis. As quickly as I was up, I was back down. In my youthful stupidity (or, perhaps, it was the shock of my crash into the cold water....take your pick), I clung to the rope and was dragged behind the boat. I remember being in a really pathetic state and thinking (as gallons of diseased water entered my sinus cavities), "why aren't they stopping?" Luckily, my logic kicked in and I was able to let go. Let me just say that that trip to Lucky Peak is not on my list of favorites.

Every time since has been lovely, but (like I already said) I never again tried on the water skis. The idea of wake boarding also has a bit of a bite to it. I'm sure, by now, that I have matured enough to pull myself up and/or let go of the rope. I do need to get over my issues. Yes, yes I do. Okay...Ready, set, go! I am, as of this moment, setting a goal to overcome the previously mentioned retardedness. I will take on a set of water skis/wake boards. I love tubing and am now determined to spread such feelings to other boating activities. Wish me luck!

...And we're back from one of my tangents.

Today, we arrived at the Lucky Peak Reservoir early enough to snag an awesome dock. Along with being able to gorge down gobs of grub, our dock provided us with many other surprises and luxuries. We were attached to a spot of land that had a shack. Complete with toilet holes and paper, it was quite the edifice (that is if you were able to look past the broken bear bottles, the animal/insect habitations, and the bullet holes). Ah bathrooms (or outhouses, in this case)! Ya gotta love 'em.

Our dock was the home of many beautiful butterflies. I was fortunate enough to have three huge monarchs land on me. I think they were attracted to the bright colored polka dots of my swim suit. Then again, maybe I'm just amazing like that. If I were a butterfly, I'd want to land on the gorgeous Miss Brooke-- especially if she was in a swim suite. Ooh la la... ;)

We were also visited by two families of geese. I know that humans aren't supposed to feed wildlife, but I couldn't resist the temptation and ended up breaking apart a few pieces of bread and tossing them, one by one, into the rippling water. I love the enthusiasm of animals, when it comes to food intake. They always rush to the catch and fight over the crumbs.

We, as wealthy humans, take advantage of the abundance of food and other resources. Can you imagine life without the comforts of a grocery store? If we were to take care of ourselves, like animals, fighting for our lives would be a battle of survival. In my mind, I can picture my own family as a flock of geese. It is an interesting scene and meal time would definitely be exciting-- feathers flying and everything... Weird.

So basically, it has been a grand day. This blog is as blogged as it is going to get and I am now off to go and coat my soar skin with aloe vera. MMM good.

"you are my density. I mean..."

Do you believe in signs? Do you believe in destiny? Hows about soul mates, do you believe in them? Are we here on earth for a specific reason, a mission, or a special purpose (whatever you wish to call it)?

Let's Elope, Darling

I have always been a romantic. I love happily ever after, guy falls for girl (or the other way around) stories. Every little girl watches at least one movie, or reads at least one book filled with a heart warming love story that makes her dream and wish to find her own prince charming.

I have witnessed several relationships grow and turn into marriages. It is marvelous to have so many good examples of happy couples, even through the hard times. The only thing that has always bugged me about the whole marriage thing, though, is the prodigious size of wedding celebrations. So much money and worry go into the planning and pulling together of ring ceremonies, receptions, and open houses. Ugg. It is all well and good to have a nice party for family and friends, but I think that a lot of people overdo it. There is the life after the party to remember, after all.

I have been a bride's maid for all of my siblings' weddings and will be one again, in just a few weeks. I am so tired of wedding preparations and I'm not even a major part of the ordeal. It is ridiculous. I don't think I am going to have bride's maids at my wedding... that is, if I ever marry. You know the saying, "always a bride's maid, never a bride." DUN DUN Dun... just kidding. ;) Bride's maids are a cause of useless worry. The girls I know wouldn't care one way or the other whether I asked them to be a part of my wedding or not. If I were to choose a special person to stand by my side, it would be a maid of honor and I would choose my cousin Kahli. This is because she is like my sister and my best friend. Still having bride's maids, at a Mormon reception, seems pointless. It is not like we have isles to march down (unless there is a ring ceremony performed), rings and bouquets to be carried, or any of that jazz.

The point of this blog = wedding receptions tend to be too huge! I want a small reception, if i have to have one. If my future hubby is out there and reading this.... "Let's elope, darling!"

The Secret

As most of you know, I am a fan of positive thinking. I have several books that emphasize the power of intention and the like. Recently, my mother and I were watching Oprah and a lady was on the show who was advertising a book called The Secret. The contents,of this book pretty much fit perfectly with all that I have previously learned about changing life for the better. We bought the book and a DVD that goes a long with it.

As the Costco cashier said, "Once you get past the weird music and whispering" it is an amazing DVD filled with the basic truths of the universe. The main truth discussed is the law of attraction. Basically, people attract people, places, experiences, and things into their lives. Quoting from the movie: "thoughts become things." If our thoughts and feelings are positive, then good things come into our lives and vis versa. Using an example from my own life: when I'm running late, it seems like I hit every red light. This is because I am constantly thinking, "I'm going to be late." I am thinking about being late and so I end up being late. Yeah... This stuff is disgusting, if your a pessimistic individual. On the flip side, though, knowing how to harness your positive thoughts and feelings assists you in money matters, relationships, health, goals, dreams, and an infinite number of things. Check the website at http://thesecret.tv/!

Good quotes that agree with all self-help/positive thinking material:

"Imagination is the key to all things" ~Albert Einstein

"And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" ~Luke 11:9

"What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality" ~Otto Rank

"Empires of the mind are empires of the future" ~Winston Churchill

"I think therefore I am" ~René Descartes

Tips From the Pink Bible

"The clever huntress always looks her best. She never knows when big game will pass her way" ~ The Pink Bible.

What do y'all think about that? If you have no clue what The Pink Bible is, look up http://www.pinkbible.com/. In the Mormon version of Pride and Prejudice, this little book is used and referred to by the many characters (a bunch of girlie college students on the hunt for men).

Anyways, the above quote has been running through my head, a lot, as of late. It seems to me that--even though it is a bit (or extremely) naive of a girl to follow the advice of silly books that supply the do's and dont's of dating--this bit of advice strikes true.

People really should love one another for their inner beauty, but there has to be an initial physical attraction. Am I right or am I right? A guy is not even going to give a girl a second look (unless she is abominable...) if she doesn't look half-way decent. Without even a second glance, a girl wouldn't be able to get small talk, a hang out session, a date, marriage, and/or any form of a relationship from a guy. As shallow as it may seem, looks do matter.

From my experience, this can be really annoying. Whenever I look like a neanderthal woman, handsome guys are everywhere. I swear it is like my ugliness attracts 'em. Sigh. I do try to look pretty, most of the time, but it requires a lot of effort. Okay, okay, it isn't a lot, but sometimes it is more than I care to put forth. There are a bunch of steps that go into the beautification process (basic hygiene, shaving and plucking unwanted hair, contacts, makeup, nail care, clothes, curling/straitening/just doing one's hair, and etc.).

There is a quote circling about random conversations that goes something like, "there are no ugly women in the world, just lazy one's." With a bit of effort, every female has the capability to look like a glamour girl. The thing is, though, I hate dolling up for no reason. If only people had built in or natural abilities to sense a need to look impressive. Wouldn't you agree? I mean, honestly! I don't always want to look like Beautiful Brooke, especially if I am not going to run into a Handsome Henry. A little warning would be lovely.

Oh Ye of Little Faith

"There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune"~ Henry V.

The above is quite a quote, wouldn't you agree? On my Google homepage I have a Shakespearean insulter. It usually provides me with nothing more than a daily giggle, but today's actually started to turn the rusty cranks of my brain. It brought up several thoughts and memories.

Thought/Memory #1

I have a piano student who has serious ADHD and a form of autism. At his last lesson, the student's father took 5 minutes to inform me of his child's disabilities. It would have been better to know about such things, at an earlier time, if he had to tell me at all. I had basically figured the boy's issues out (through the past weeks), anyway. I thought and still think that the kid progresses well. His father, on the other hand, made sure that I understood his minimal expectations. He didn't want much more than the basics for his kid. "I'm just glad he is playing the piano, quoth he.

It is good to be glad about such things, but HONESTLY! Where is this man's faith? If he doesn't have faith in the kid, the kid won't have faith in himself. It will definitely be harder for a person with disabilities to do anything, but all things are possible (for everyone). From what I can see, learning and continuing in music could only help the boy. He improves each week and will continue to learn like I learned and all of my other students are learning.

If a person is going to put forth the time and money to learn how to play the piano (or any instrument!), that individual should learn properly. He or she shouldn't just leave lessons barely knowing how to play. Anyone can teach themselves how to barely play an instrument! I am of the opinion that technique, memorization, theory, and etc. are all necessary aspects of piano lessons. He's handled what I've required, so far, and (with little steps) he'll grow to handle more. All it takes is a little effort and faith!

#2

My brother is having some health issues. Throughout the whole of his life, he's spent many a day in the hospital. In fact, it seemed like (for awhile) every other week he'd take a trip to the emergency room.

Through the years, my family has come across several sources of assistance. The books, Feelings Buried Alive Never Die [by Karol Truman] and Remembering Wholeness [by Caroll Tuttle], introduced the power of positive thinking into our household. Because of these books I have seen and experienced many amazing miracles. I have, also, come to know that the words "I am" are powerful. Thoughts about ourselves, our lives, and etc. play a big role in what happens to us. If we constantly think negative thoughts, negative things will happen. It is a law of attraction; negative attracts negative, positive attracts positive.

Once we discovered the above mentioned, my brother slowly started to do better. His health progression continued for a long time. The act of positive thinking was healing him! Recently, though, he has become very frustrated with life. His positivity has been on the down-ward slide. Being around him, one can feel the negativity. It is almost tangible! I talked to him about this, the other day. It was a very sad conversation. I love my brother, want the best for him, and (because of this) it hurts to see him giving up. "I don't believe in that stuff, anymore. It doesn't work!" he muttered, annoyed. He went on to mention that God had given him trials and that only God could take them from him.

To me, this doesn't fully make sense. Yes, God can take our pain away, through the Savior's Atonement. After all, with God nothing is impossible. We can't forget, though, that He wants us to try our hardest to overcome our issues and live happily. We have to supply some effort and faith! Positive thinking worked before, why should it suddenly not be "God's way." He loves and wants us to be happy. Even if it didn't have a healing power, it is not like positive thinking is gonna make matters any worse... it could only help. *Sigh.*

"tick-tock" w/ a "ching-ching"

Tis' a shame that wasting time isn't a profession. If I were to gain one dollar for every minute of my life used "unwisely," I'd be good to go (economically, if in no other way). Quite frankly, I'd be one rich woman!

Finals are a comin', and I feel like I'm in a rut of procrastination. I suppose, in a sense, life goes through cycles of entropy; through time, a need to clean out and start over arises. I have my moments of serious self-discipline/motivation and then the function of my life oscillates. My highs often tend to hit lows. Perhaps, it's time for a "self-clean."

I read once that the cleanliness and organizational patterns of a person reflect how that person is dealing with the stresses of life. I have found this to be true, in my own experiences. When things are hectic, my room (and the whole of the upstairs, really) is comparable to a pig's pen. Cleaning at times like this can be very therapeutic.

*Brooke has changed her status to busy. She will return to blog mode at a later time.*

The Vacuum and my Phys Anth notes call! "Bla."

Weak.

The ROTC had a big shebang goin' on, today. I was walking to the SUB, observing the craziness, when I caught sight of one of my friends. He, being one of the ROTC guys attempting to get people involved, convinced me to head over to the activities and get some free stuff. Free stuff! What college student isn't always up for free stuff?!?! He led me over and hooked me up. The thing is, though, the "free stuff" wasn't exactly free (besides a selection of camouflage pencils). To get the good stuff, a person was to do some sort of physical activity. I decided to go for a T-shirt by busting out 78 sit-ups and 48 push-ups.

To keep things simple, let's just say that I could have done better. My attempt was pitiful. I did do enough of each to get a nifty U.S. Army water-bottle... Woohoo! You'd think, with all the junk I've carried around the past two semesters, that I'd be in better shape. Then again, carrying backpacks doesn't really work on a persons abs or biceps. I've pretty much decided that the only thing I've gained, from the months of backpacking around campus is bad posture.

I am determined to exercise more often. I do love running. Perhaps, I'll get back into the habit of jogging around my neighborhood. Yoga is awesome, too. Whatever works... Nonetheless, my push-ups and sit-ups definitely need some help. I am weak! :(.

Falalalala

I'm beginning to miss Christmas music and it's only April! Today, I caught myself singing "I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas." Could this be a some sort of a Freudian slip? Maybe it's not the Christmas music, per se, that I'm missing. Perhaps, I'm simply craving cheery seasonal music, in general. As of this moment, I am of the opinion that there is a need of popular music for every season. I'm sure, if a person was to dig through archives of music, that he or she would eventually come across songs about spring, summer, and fall. I find myself wishing, though, that these songs were as famous and/or as well liked as the classic Christmas carols. I mean, during the winter holidays, certain radio stations are devoted solely to songs about Christ or good old Saint Nick. No one does this for other holidays or seasons. It's not like we get to hear songs about Peter Cotton Tail, or Saint Patrick when Spring comes around the corner (not that they are as important as the Savior by any means). There are always primary songs like "In the Leafy Tree Tops" and "Oh what Do You Do Summer Time " to hum as I walk about, but I think I am going to do some research and learn some new/old songs. Then, even though the radios aren't busting with seasonal music, I'll be as fit as a fiddle (when it comes to spring, summer, and fall-like melodies).

If you have any good seasonal songs up your sleeve, let me know. "Sharing is caring, it can be fun!"

Still Gettin' Older

My B-day with weak-sauce lungs:
Yesterday was my birthday. "Happy birthday to me!" It was a happy birthday, indeed. You know the years when the celebrations seem to last all week? This is turning out to be one of those years. I had a party at my grandparents' house on Sunday. A lot of my relatives, who live near and around Boise/Meridian, joined us for the festivities. We had cake (well, technically, we had sugar-free cheese cake pudding with gram crackers and strawberries.... mmm), and I attempted to blow out all the candles. You may be wondering why the word attempt made its way into the previous sentence. Blowing out candles seems so simple, right? "Perhaps," you think to yourself, "she had a batch of trick candles to deal with?" Well, not exactly. In all reality, I have never been able to fully complete the said task, properly. I don't have a lot of gusto, apparently, when it comes to blowin' and I always have to take several breaths to get the job done. This is sad, I know. I could probably overcome this deficiency with a bit of practice (EXPAND THAT DIAPHRAGM, WOMAN!!!!) But I don't feel like putting forth the effort. Let's scapegoat this issue and blame the lack of lung capacity (for candle outing) on my asthma, okay? Okay.

Monday:

Monday, felt birthday-ish because I was able to wear a new pair of pants and test out my new rolling backpack. "Goodbye Sir Jansport and Madam Shoulder Bag" [wave of the hand]. No more bad posture! I always thought rolling backpacks were lame, but (with the weight of all of my stuff finally off my shoulders) all bad feelings have flown away. Though the wheels on rough pavement and bricked pathways make quite a racket, I love my new bag and recommend rollers to everyone.

Tuesday:

Tuesday, being my real birthday, was probably one of the best Tuesdays that I've had all semester. I found a strap for my violin case and was able to carry it about, in a more comfortable manner. Briefcase style is a thing of the past, ya know.. ha. Violin lessons were canceled, though, so carrying Betsy (my brother named my violin) around campus was basically pointless. Oh well.

Field trip:

My Biology lab went on a field trip, yesterday (still Tuesday). We had the opportunity to hike around in the desertous foothills of downtown Boise. Three whole hours of bird watching, lizard catching, plant analyzing fun! You should be very jealous. I did obtain a sun burn on my neck and collar bone, though, so the trip wasn't perfect. You'd think that (with all the jazz I stash in my backpack) I'd have sunscreen, somewhere in the depths. I did last semester, for awhile. I suppose a girl can't have a Mary Poppins bag all of the time.

Food, glorious food:

After Lab, mis padres took my brother and me out for lunch. We gorged ourselves (at least I did) full of food, at a Chinese buffet. I ate soo much food that my stomach looked rather stretched out, afterwords. I guess that (because I don't have a lot of meat on my bones) when I fill myself with meat, it's bound to show. Anyways... YUMMY! It was delicious! After this grand feast, Ryan and I hung out at the SUB until our math class. He checked out a laptop and surfed the net/listened to Thai music while I yakked with my cousin, Kahli (who called to give me some birthday lovin'). Yippee for doing anything but math homework at times like these.

Thoughts about the past:

I have recently been contemplating the origin of birthdays and the celebrations that coincide. How long have birthdays been a reason to party? Any ideas? Did Methuselah find time to fiesta, in his 969 years. They obviously kept track of aging. Was a year back then calculated like the modern year? huh...

The Real Man

What is the definition of a real man? Are there actually real men in the world?

What about those who are considered less than the real man? What is the defining line. Where is the differentiating border that separates the "real men" from the "boys" or "woman folk."

I have several friends who are obsessed with being "real men." It is mostly talked about in a playful manner, but it has caused many a thought to bounce around in my noggin.

This is what I mean...

• You can be a man's man and like supposedly feminine things, right? Right.
  
• My dad plants flowers in the garden and my brothers like chick flicks. Does this make them unmanly? No.
  
• I've seen shows discuss/interview gay men. When asked about the circumstances and determining factors of the discovery of their "true" sexuality, ridiculous reasons were usually (if not always) stated. Does liking the color pink distinguish you as a homosexual? It shouldn't. If a man can decorate, good for him. So a guy sings and dances like Gene Kelly, what is so unmanly about that? Etc., etc. Where in Tar Nation did such retarded ideas about men come from? It might not be the norm, but it doesn't have to be warped into gay and lesbian crap.
• When did not liking feminine things become a way of getting a dame? Yes, a girl likes to know her man is a stable source of protection, but she also finds it wonderfully attractive when her oh so strong chico shows his soft side.

Random quote/story from my memory bank =

A group of guys are sitting around discussing how to be real men. Guy to guy, they share their manliness. Eventually, the topic of shaving comes up. The fellows take turns going into great depth about how they supposedly shave like real men. As the narratives go on, the stories get more extreme until finally... dun dun dun... the man's man approaches.

"Ya'll got nothin'," he breathed in a deep scratchy voice. "I wrap barbed wire around my fists and punch myself in the face. It takes the skin right along with the hair, but THAT is how a real man shaves."

yeah.. that is my version... it actually goes on more and is slightly different, but hey.

Give me your thoughts and opinions please.

random ramblings

For a writing exercise, I like to write random paragraphs, poems, and scenes from possible stories. Below are a examples of such. Tell me what you think, please.

Confined

The glass was warm to her touch. With her face against it, she gazed through the window and out into the world. It was a world of which she wished to be a part. If only there was a way. Her heart yearned to run as far as her strength permitted, far from her containment. She knew of nothing else but what lay within the walls of the shelter and what she was able to see through the window. And though it be dirty and covered in dust, she looked out to see as much as she could whenever she had a spare a moment.

Her life hadn’t been bad. She had been provided for, taught to read, write, do arithmetic, and all of the skills that she might need to take care of herself. After her father died, though, that is just what she did; she took care of herself. She was now the only survivor in her family and, for the first time, she felt angry about it. This realization hit and a feeling like fire welled up inside. Emotions engulfed her body, and she couldn’t control them. Tears flowed down her suddenly flushed cheeks. People passed by and she wanted to hide from their pitying eyes. None of them stopped to comfort her and that was just fine. The cause of her pain was loneliness and yet all she wanted, at that moment, was to be left alone.

Little Big Boy

To the average eye Donnelly appeared to be the average child. People couldn’t help but fall in love with his brown curly hair, dark brown eyes, and sandy complexion. Surprisingly, Donnelly was very different from what people thought. The average eye couldn’t think his thoughts, feel his feelings, or experience his experiences. He was more than just an average little boy....

Get off My Lawn

Dream >> girl waken by pebbles on window… when.. CRASH! One breaks the window.

Rubbing her eyes, Ally ran to see who had thrown the rocks and broken her window. She looked outside and saw that a boy stood below. At this, she pushed open the door and ran angrily out onto the balcony.

“What are you doing? It is like midnight!”

This was not at all how he pictured the evening, when he had played it out in his head. “I…I…I…Uh, I love you, “ he squeaked, following through with the original plan.

“What? You just broke my window! What do you want me to say to that! Oh thanks, darling, I love you too.. No! Get off my lawn, I don’t even know who you are! Ugg!”

Growing Up

Blooming

Self-knowledge, self help, self control

Better wisdom which makes good men

Forget and forgive

Under his rough exterior lay some of the manly virtues which we most admire and love

Air of resolution

I’ll stand by you

Good for him

Continue to believe in it, to work for it, and to prove its possibility

You really care to learn something and that is half the battle

It seems hard at first, and you will feel discouraged, but plod away, and things will get easier as you go on

We all need these little helps; so you will try

Splendidest

Work, encouragement, and hope

Passion of love, of shame, and patience

The memory of a wise and tender father, the legacy of an honest name

.

*Words and phrases taken form Little Men by Louisa M. Alcott. “Growing Up” arranged by Brooke Lott.

Saving Scander

Arrows whizzed passed her uncovered body, as she closed her eyes in anguish. She had no chance of escaping. Was this the end? Thoughts of her life flooded her mind. She wasn’t ready to die! Scander’s hurt face crowded her worries and regret overcame her. She loved him! She had been so stubborn and confused. Now she was to die alone, and he would never know of her true feelings. Suddenly in the midst of her worries silence fell upon her. The war had paused. She slowly opened her eyes to look about her. Wincing at the nastiness of her surroundings she bravely picked herself off the ground and began running. She tripped over the carnage and destruction of the battle, her mind was in a daze. What was going on? Was everybody dead?

Chances

The wind pressed against her cheeks, drying her tears as they fell from her swollen eyes. What had she done? Her opportunity was so obvious and she had blown it! She believed in second chances but what happens after that?

Evening Falls

The sky was darkening, explosions of a colorful sunset beginning to fade, and one star twinkled on the horizon.

Stupid Poem

Tossed back and forth with emotion

My heart is heavy, torn in two

I can’t quite decide if you’ve won

I want to leave but can’t seem to start anew.

Your thoughts are unclear

And your feelings unknown

My truth is open, even through my fear

Timid eyes have ceased, and I have grown.

What would my life be like without you?

What if we never met?

Would I be happy, seeing through

An empty doorway to something that is not yet.

Tallmond

.

His eyes were pale and fading, his face wet with sweat. She couldn’t take it all in. This couldn’t be happening, Not here! Not now! He couldn’t leave her alone when she needed him the most. Anger boiled up against the enemy. It steamed inside with the fear of losing her beloved Tallmond. ....WAR!!!!

.

The Unfinished

.

It was a house without clocks or calendars. Time was not kept, no appointments were made, there was no schedule to follow and nothing of importance seemed to happen. Life continued to roll on but there was no reason for anything that anyone did. Actions were random and nothing was ever accomplished completely. Unfinished Quilts lay scattered upon the furniture that wasn’t fully refurnished. The walls were spattered with paint. One side of a room would be mostly white and the other would be partially covered in old, moldy, wall paper.

.

...........................All right. That is enough. I've more in my stash, but I am tired and the above is very lengthy.......................... what think ye?

Can You Hear Me Now?

Cell phones... Remember the days without these little buggers? Now that we have them, I look back and wonder how we ever got a long with out them.
When I leave my phone at home, I'm lost without it. It is like my life, my connection to the world. The more technology moves forward the more reliant we are upon it. It is actually really pathetic and kind of frightening. Then again, I love how easy it makes things.

The Point of No Return

I think I have used up all of the motivation and self-discipline that has carried me through the last few months. There comes a time, when the end of a semester is nigh and grades are pretty much stable, that I simply don't want to care anymore. I have reached this point and any thought of school makes me want to scream... "AAAAWWWW!" <--- Do you see what I mean? I need some kind of a boost to help me just keep chuggin' along. Ugg! Perhaps, if I make a paper chain (like we did in kindergarten), the thrill of taking off one link every day will do the trick.. ha. It's worth a try, eh? Any advice or prescriptions for my serious case of lackadaisicalness?

In My Own Little Corner

In the Rogers & Hammerstein musical Cinderella, the lyrics of one of my favorite songs go as follows:

I'm as mild and as meek as a mouse

When I hear a command I obey.

But I know of a spot in my house

where no one can stand in my way.

In my own little corner in my own little chair

I can be whatever I want to be.

On the wings of my fancy I can fly anywhere

and the world will open its arms to me.

I'm a young Norwegian princess or a milkmaid

I'm the greatest Prima Donna in Milan

I'm an heiress who has always had her silk made

By her own flock of silkworms in Japan

I'm a girl men go mad for love's a game I can play

with cool and confident kind of air.

Just as long as I stay in my own little corner

All alone in my own little chair.

I can be whatever I want to be.

I'm a slave from Calcutta, I'm a queen in Peru.

I'm a mermaid dancing upon the sea

I'm a huntress on an African safari...

it's a dangerous type of sport and yet it's fun

In the night I sally forth to seek my quarry

And I find I forgot to bring my gun.

I am lost in the jungle all alone and unarmed

when I meet a lioness in her lair

Then I'm glad to be back in my own little corner,

All alone in my own little chair.

*******

As most of you know, Cinderella is the story of a girl whose father dies and leaves her with horrid step-relations (a mother and two sisters). She sings the above song when she is away from their nagging and in the comforts of her own space. Isn't it splendid?

*******

I'm afraid I am losing the vivid imagination that I once had and am unable to conjure up situations, identities, and places (without assistance from some sort of media) like she does. It is kind of depressing.... sigh. I do have "my own little corner," though. Well, I suppose I have several of them. My refuges are areas, away from the harshness of life, where I can enjoy being me and doing my favorite things .

*******

Wonderful Places in my life (in no particular order):

1.) THE LIBRARY. I spend rather lengthy amounts of time in the BSU library, otherwise known as Albertson's Library. I love libraries and consider any building full of books as a heaven on earth. It would be nice if the homework aspect of my library experience was edited out, but (even with its tortures) I find that my days under the roof of un(a) bibliotec(a), are usually enjoyable and beneficial. Usually, with a book in my hand and a comfortable arm chair (preferably a recliner), I am good to go.

2.)NATURE. My family and I used to live with my grandparents in the Sun Valley area of Idaho. There was a hill in our backyard that dipped down into a forested area. It was beautiful! I remember being a little girl and having a blast with my cousins and brothers by playing night games (no bears are out tonight, jail break, war, etc...). When I wanted time for self-contemplation, on the other hand, the swing-set (in the forest..of course) was the perfect location. I love nature and, with the smell of the river and the landscape of glorious aspen trees, swinging was almost a spiritual experience! I miss that house.

3.)MY ROOM. My room is decorated with an antique/pioneer girl style. I love being in mi dormitorio! When things are spick-and-span, especially, I love to lay on my bed or just sit in my chair. Reading, writing, drawing, listening to music, and thinking about life fill my many hours of joyous alone time. Also, I have a lot of inspirational paintings and poems hanging from my walls. Because of this, it is wonderful to simply look about my room and be uplifted. If I am having issues in my life, it helps to see a picture of the Savior. There has been many a time when an eternal perspective or a feeling of peace have been prompted by simply looking about. Yippee for my room!

That is all I feel like typing, at the moment. There are other wonderful places I could mention but perhaps I'll keep those to myself... :).

Human Brains and Flights of Stairs

The other day, I noticed something interesting (at least to me). I was in the engineering building, tromping up a few flights of stairs, when I had a moment of realization. The higher the level, the less worn the stairs were. Also, the wearing occurred on the right-hand-side. I thought about causes for such and I could only come up with a few reasons.

First of all, people are naturally lazy. Let's face it; most of us are more likely to take the stairs, if we only have to go to the second floor (notice that I previously said the word "few" when referring to the number of flights I was headed up). The third floor is less likely and above that is a rare occurrence. "Hmmm" is all I have to say to that.

As for the specific location of the wear and tear, this could be due to the fact that our transportation system is set up in such a way that we drive on the right-hand-side of the road. It seems like we are accustomed to choosing the right (ha, CTR... :/). I'm not sure whether this is exactly connected to driving and stair climbing, but I noticed that people tend to stay to their right when walking, as well.

Is this different in other countries? If we were to drive on the left-hand-side of the road would we go up stairs and walk about differently than we do now? Can any of you (who have been on missions or have traveled to to other countries) answer my question? I am very curious. Is there some sort of psychological reason for the above mentioned or topics of the like? Perhaps, I can do a Google search of some sort....

It is fascinating to analyze human kind-- the way we think and our habitual ways. We are definitely an interesting species!

Kindred Spirits and Bosom Friends

Do you have people, in your life, with whom time and distance do little to affect the relationship that you share? I'm talking about people who click perfectly at the moment of a first meeting, people with whom understanding is mutual, people with whom you can be your crazy self. I DO and I love them dearly. What would a body do without his or her "kindred spirits" and "bosom friends"? (The endearments within quotation marks are lovingly borrowed from a favorite fictional character by the name of Anne Shirley... just in case there was a question.)

One of such friends called me up, yesterday. We've known each other since elementary school and it was nice to catch up. I am not one who likes talking on the phone but it seems like, with certain people, the annoyance totally disappears. Anyways... We spontaneously decided to get party. I called and invited another girl (also a dear friend) and we spent the evening together. It was sooo much fun. We swapped old year books, played trios (me on the piano and mis amigas on their violins), and just visited and laughed-- nonstop.

It isn't often that I have hang out sessions. My life can be extremely busy and friends aren't usually very high on my list of important things to take care of. This shouldn't be the case. I need to be more social. After all, relationships and people are very important! I think, though, that I would rather have alone time (sometimes) rather than put forth the effort to call people up/plan activities. This sounds totally self-centered, but it is true. I like to do my own thing, when I get the chance and not have to worry about what others want and think. Please note: if I don't often hang out with you, it doesn't necessarily mean that I don't love you. I am just a fan of solitude and the productive/wholesome activities that solitude provides.

Even with my social issues (for lack of a better word), I do love people. It is nice to have someone to care about and to know that someone cares about me, too. This may sound a little odd to some but (according to my knowledge and testimony of the teachings and principles of the LDS church) it is my thought that people, in our lives, were close to us in the pre-earth existence. I feel or like to think that our "kindred spirits" are/were just that-- kindred spirits. I'm sure we had close relationships in heaven and that we promised to assist one another during this earthy experience. We knew that it would be difficult, but (with cooperation and love for each other) that we'd be able to come to and accept the gospel/endure to the end.

What are your thoughts on this topic(s)? Anybody?

LOVE GOES OUT TO ALL Y'ALL!... and I'll try and be a better friend/family member, I promise. <3

ch-ch-ch-changes

It is intriguing, to me, how people are constantly changing. It never stops! The human mind is constantly thinking, even while we sleep. It takes in information from our surroundings, processes it, and incorporates it into our identities. I look at my own self, for example, and in just one day my opinion about something or another changes. I wrote an email about my future life, awhile back. It was out of fun (of course) but as I was reading through it I realized that, in just a few weeks, some of my dreams and goals have and will probably continue to change. With the meeting of new people and the undergoing of new experiences, a person's perspective is bound to reconstruct. I simply hope that I can keep up with myself!

Below is the email I mentioned:

"Your Name,

To spice up our emails -->

What do you want to do with your life? If you could plan out exactly how your life would be, what would you want to happen, and how would you like to be? I look forward to my life and love to just ponder about what the future holds. It is kind of like reading a mystery book about myself. When I go from day to day and experience new things, it is like turning the pages and little by little figuring things out. I often times catch myself thinking, "So this is what its like" as I hit new stages. I love it (mostly)!

Anyway...

YOUNG ADULT- hood
I want to finish up my major. I am planning on transferring with an associates to BYU (I guess I'll see what the only true school is all about, ya know? haha). If my life turns out how I think it will, I will then meet Mr. Amazing who will be just returned from his mission. We shall date the year before I graduate and get married the summer after. A honeymoon in the tropics would be nice but I don't have any preferences. If my hubbie is still in school I will support him by working as an editor. I'd like to go on to grad school, somehow and at some point in time, too.

MOMMY- hood

Then of course comes my little children. I want a lot of energetic little boys, and at least one little darling girl. Of course, being an only girl, I always wanted a sister so perhaps two little girls would be a better arrangement. Kid names I am not sure about, yet. I kind of think it would be better to wait and see what suits the kid when he or she comes. I don't want to pre-name a girl Beth if she looks more like a Kahli. That would never be ideal. haha.

I want a big house with a wrap around porch, and gables. I always liked the big double doors with cut glass windows that open into a big living room with a grand piano. Then there is always the white picket fence and a rose garden (it would be a place where my little girls and I could dress up in old 1900's English style clothes with big hats and gloves. Horray for pretend tea parties!).

I'm also one for gardens full of vegetables. My dad always plants rows of flowers and sunflowers between the food. MMM home grown food!!!! I have many a good memory of peeling potatoes, and shelling peas with my big brothers.

I want to write my own book or books and have them published. I love to write and have always wanted to be an author. Music would be a big part of my life, too. Perhaps I'll teach it, while my kids are at school or something. I'd like to get some of my compositions published, as well.

I think a calling in the church, that I would like, would be playing for the primary. I love the primary songs and the spirit that comes when little kids sing about the Savior. Plus, I hear that when a ward knows that you play you get sucked into playing for everything. If this is to be the case, then my preference is the above. As for a hometown, I think it would be fun to live somewhere other than Idaho, though I do like Boise very much. A fresh start, complete with new people, would be lovely.

GRANDMA-hood

One day, I'm bound to get old. When that day comes, I plan on having old lady parties with my friends who live near by. Perhaps, a book club or something of the like will give us the opportunity to chit and chat about our old lady lives while nibbling on old lady food. Haha, I can see myself now. I'll be a plump little grandma, with a disgustingly awesome perm, a bright green sweater covered in sparkly flamingos, and a matching pair of spandex pants to tie it all together. Eww. I can't wait! :)

REALLY OLD GRANDMA-hood

Then comes life in a retirement center. I'll just have bring my old lady parties with me and add a few thrilling games of bingo. Grandma B. will probably go insane and die there as a widow, since women generally live longer than men. It is a kind of depressing ending, actually. Then again perhaps Christ will come by then and I'll be twinkled. That would be pretty cool, I'm not gonna lie.

Yup! That pretty much sums up the imaginary life that I plan on living, if things work out. They most likely will change, but hey. It should be interesting.

Catch ya later,
Brookie"

I'll supply information about my changing ideas continually, throughout these blogs. If you have any Q's, feel free to let me know. Comments and emails are always welcome!

A Week of Big Plans

~OYEZ, OYEZ, OYEZ~

Spring Break has finally arrived.

Yippee! Hooray! Hallelujah!

...........................................................................................................

I am one who is constantly making lists. I have lists of words that need to be looked up, lists of "to do's" and goals that need to be accomplished, lists of adventures that need to be written in my journal (when I get behind), lists of positive affirmations that need to be said regularly (positive thinking is awesome!), lists of subjects that I want to learn about, lists of books I want to read, lists of lists I want to/already do make, and so on. It sounds ridiculous and can get completely out of control, but so is my list making fetish.

......................................

This can, of course, be a bad thing. Though and thus far, my obsessive habits have tended to come in handy. Because of said lists, I am one who gets things done (or, at least, attempts them). Writing things down on paper provides me with a constant reminder of everything that would otherwise be jumbled about and eventually lost in the abyss of my brain. Also, I shan't be an old lady whose lost her marbles because I will have made a list of every one and its specific location. :) List making could almost be considered a self-made insurance policy, per se. Please take note that the word "almost" is used in the previous sentence. Thank you.

.........................................

Occasions like New Years, the start of a new school year, the start of a new job, the beginning of summer (new beginnings, in general), and breaks (i.g. SPRING BREAK!!!!) are ideal times for list making. All a person has to do is whip out a good writing utensil and a desired paper product. After that, one can chicken scratch to one's heart's content. Its' a simple 1-2-3 step process. Remember the 3 P's:

1. Pencil/Pen (depending on preference)
2. Paper
3. Plan (I was going to say prospectus, but I'm a fan of informal lists)

Let's repeat that... Pencil/Pen, Paper, Plan. Get it? Got it? Good.

.........................................

This week's agenda is full/overflowing with big plans, as is indicated by the title of this blog. Motivation fuels my mindset! I want to allow myself plenty of relaxation time, as well as cross off "to-do" items. I have a couple of midterms to study for, a science paper to rough draft, scholarships to apply for, people (missionaries, friends, relatives) to write, instruments to practice, musical pieces to perfect, journal(s) to catch up on, friends to hang out with, dates to go on, shelves to dust, carpets to vacuum, a house to scrape (in preparation for a new paint job), muscles to exercise, food to eat, air to breath....

............................................

I have big plans, my friends, big plans!

Brain Spasms

Today is Tuesday. For me, this means a slam packed day full of studying and classes. I am on campus from the early a.m. to the late p.m., carrying around a backpack, a shoulder bag and a violin. I look like the ultimate nerd, trudging along. Plus, (if you are familiar with the stereotypical nerd) because of my scratched eye-ball, I have to wear glasses which give me an extra zing of nerdiness. It is beautiful. :).

The day hasn't been too terrible, which is unusual. I am sure that my attitude has a part (if not the whole shebang) to play in my "terrible Tuesdays." I wake up, remember what day it is and automatically I hate the world and have a mindset that things aren't going to go well. This is not the right way to go about life. I admit it! I could probably use a serious attitude adjustment/kick in the pants. Any one have a good steel-toed boot?

My Physical Anthropology class was out of the norm, this morning. Instead of the usually boring note-taking session, we had a lab! My professor brought in skulls of all sorts of primates. It was exciting to be able to apply the information that we have been learning (dental formulas, sagital crests, post orbital bars/plates, etc.) to real bones!! I think I'll dream I'm a paleontologist, tonight... as if I can choose. Can a person choose what he or she dreams about? Do any of you have such an ability? If so, share you secret por favor. I want to know how!

Violin Lessons were canceled. It is always nice to bring one's fatty instrument case to school, for no reason... Well actually, for canceled reasons. NOT. *Sigh* On the bright side, though, it does strengthen my arm muscles. I killed (In all actuality, it died on its own. I am no murderer!) the shoulder strap and now have to carry it about like an elongated briefcase. Because of such circumstances, I should have Pop-Eye shaped biceps by the end of the year. I am looking forward to and planning on conquering some hardcore arm wrestling matches.

My BIO lab wasn't quite enjoyable. Last week we had the privilege of dissecting cow eyeballs. Today, though, all we did was count beetle populations and discuss a (soon to be due) science paper. In comparison to previous labs, this one just didn't measure up on my list of favorites. I must say, though, I have perfected the skill of beetle counting. It's all in the wrist, baby!

I have a Trig Test in a couple of hours. Wish me luck! I should be fine, hopefully, because I actually studied (amazing, I know.. jk). Plus, my professor has pretty straight forward exams. I aced the last one. Can you believe it? Miss Brooke doing well in math? Such things are unheard of! It was pretty much miraculous, I'm not going to lie. Hopefully, the math gods are still pleased with me.... Not that I am polytheistic or any such nonsense, ha. As for my grade, I suppose only time will tell. "Tick-tock."

I'm gonna go eat some grub, now. I'd better get my blood sugar up so that my mind can function. You know how it is...

Ciao!

Penny For Your Thoughts

I lounge on a bench and admire the passerby
So many faces, styles, and stories untold
My mind wanders through images and, with such, I sigh
and ponder a question of the young and the old.

"If we could know the thoughts of men
How would life be different, then?
For misunderstandings would never occur
And ladies with gents could finally conquer!

Would such knowledge be of want?
Yes, fear of the unknown no longer would haunt,
But what of the thrill of a lovely surprise
Could this joy no longer arise?"

Should, could, would, may, might, can...

"Let not mercy and truth forsake thee..."

Below is a blog that a friend of mine posted on myspace.com. Following it is my response.

Saturday, March 10, 2007
7:47 AM - They say our feet were made for dirt, I disagree
I have a confession to make: I don't know the difference between a democrat or a republican.And honestly, I don't care to find out. I don't understand why our government has decided to eliminate our choices, and narrow it down to 2. I know there's the green party, and there's a few other candidates, but they never get enough votes, nor the financial support.Anyway, my point is that I decided I really don't like generalizations such as that. I know, I tell my friends all the time that someone is "emo" or whatever, but that's not what I'm talking about. Sort of.I don't understand why we should be categorized into shit like that. I don't care that Democrats only think this way, and Republicans think that way. I don't agree with what some democrats say, and what some republicans say, so I'm not going to be thrust into either category.But this isn't just a political view. I also feel the same way about religion. If you do not already know, at the moment, I attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, aka, I'm Mormon. However, I don't agree with all of their teachings. For example. about November last year I think, I wrote a blog about how I think that Murder is the worse thing you could possibly do. However, the LDS religion believes that completely denying God (not just saying "Oh, I don't believe in God" but actually protesting against him, is the worse thing you could do. I just don't understand how that could be worse. Also, if you don't already know this, I am completely and utterly against any type of murder. No human has the right to take the life of another human.From now on, I no longer consider myself Mormon. However, I do not denounce that what the church teaches is false. There are parts of their doctrine that I do believe, but I don't agree with all of it.I consider myself a human being, who believes in whatever I feel to be justifiably right.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To [name]:

Concerning Labeling:

We, as humans, have a tendency to label the nouns (people, places, things, and ideas). This tendency assists our brains with the process of taking in information. With the quick attachment of a name, we can filter information-- wrong or right-- hence, we categorize, stereotype or what have you. Even saying that humans label, categorize, and stereotype is a form of labeling!

From infancy, we learned to communicate with other humans. We practiced vocalization by zealously saying "mommy" or "doggy" when a woman or animal came into view. We learned the names of colors, body parts, objects, and etc. so that we would be able to describe the world around us. These labels are only descriptions. They are not the whole of whatever is being described but they do play as factors, however minuscule.

When trying to tell your friend about someone you just met, you might end up using words having to do with skin color, body shape, skills, accessories, or religion. Depending on where a person is from and what he or she has learned to categorize as the norm, descriptions may vary. For example: if the person you are describing happens to have dark skin and you live in Idaho (where most of the population is considered "white"), you will probably clarify that he or she is different than the norm by being "black." This is not a racist comment or negative labeling. It is just a description of physical appearance.

The neurological process of labeling has played a role in lives of men, from the beginning. The multiple chapters of history are filled with carnage, hatred, jealously, segregation, and social injustices because this process was used in extremes. Negative connotations made their way into society and when combined with the fear of all things foreign, labeling became more than a means of keeping one's brain from exploding (because of too much info). It transformed into a self-esteem booster (for those wanting to be the better people), a way to scapegoat (for those wanting someone to blame), a form of justification (for those wanting to dehumanize others who are simply different than themselves), and the list goes on.

We all label. These are my labels for you, right now (for further emphasis): you are a human being, a white American, an 18-year-old male, a [his last name], a Boise citizen, a friend, and a W.O.W player (to name a few...).


Concerning Beliefs and Religious Doctrine:

"And honestly, I don't care to find out"~ [his last name].

My man, there's your problem. When you don't understand something, you don't take the time to learn about it. Then you "label" it as crap. Did I say label? I think I did. :) So... about the government and religion, research and pray about them. You don't have to stand for a group, but you should stand for principles. There are eternal truths whether you want to believe it or not. Take, for instance, the law of gravity: (thanks to Newton and a bruise's worth of discovery/ experimentation) we know that what goes up must come down. It is a truth.

You mentioned murder and the denying of God. From my understanding, a person who denies God (on the level of sin worse than murder) is a son of perdition. This person has seen God, Jesus Christ, or both. He or she knows, for a fact, that they exist; therefore, there is no longer faith needed and yet there is denial. This is why (in this sense) denying the existence of God is so terrible, a worse sin than murder. In 2 Thess 2:3-4, it says: "... the son of perdition; Who opposeth and exalteth himself above all that is called God, or that is worshiped; so that he as God sitteth in the temple of God, shewing himself that he is God." Saying that you are above God is worse than murder because when a person commits murder, he or she is only attempting to be above another human by taking away that individual's physical existence. Also, a murderer hasn't taken away everything. There is still life, progression, and agency after death. Both sins are bad, but there are levels of evil acts and levels of consequences to go along with them. According to LDS doctrine, murderers still are allowed in the Telestial kingdom, with some level of glory. A son of perdition, though, is cast into outer darkness to endure eternal torment.

Concerning Attachments and Identity:

"Hence, why I do not want to associate myself with anything. I want to be me. Maybe this is just a phase of finding myself, but I don't feel like I need to be included in a religion, a political group, or any of that other bull[@#?*]. All I need is my friends" ~[last name].

Sorry to use you own words against you (again), but...

Saying that you don't want to be associated with anything is like saying you don't want to exist. You can't be [name] with out being attached to the things that have happened in [name]'s life, the things that [name] does, the things that [name] believes in, and the things that [name] loves. Don't be afraid of what people think. Eleanor Roosevelt once said: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." In essence, you are giving your consent to be labeled as a nobody when you are afraid to be associated with anything or any group that stands for something. If you aren't associated with ideals that can be potentially put down, then you have nothing. I'd rather stand for something and have strong beliefs than be a fence sitter with neutral ideas or ones that change because of the opinions of others.

All you need is your friends, eh? One day your friends will go on missions, move away (to college and such), get married, and (as morbid as it may seem) die. Basically, people and circumstances change. I have seen relationships come and go in my life and in the lives of those around me. I would be careful to tread upon such an unstable foundation. I'm not saying that friends are bad, but you have to be careful. The influence of a friend can be very powerful. There are and always will be both good and bad peer pressures.

You, my dear, need some direction in your life: ideals, values, dreams, goals, and so on.
Such things will make your life experiences so much more complete, happy, and fulfilling.
Figure out who you are, what you believe in, and what you want to be "labeled". It is important! You are hitting/have already hit a very challenging time in your life. Satan and his legions hate that you have so much potential. They don't want you to succeed! They are (and will continue to) pound you with their well developed tactics. They've been around A LONG time and are good at what they do. Don't give in, or go astray. I know you know what is right and what is wrong. So get up and do something about it. Sitting around and waiting for a life/identity to come to you is not the best plan of action. Do you want to leave butt prints in the sand of time? I think not. You can do anything that you put your mind to!!!! You are one of the most academically capable persons of my acquaintance. I'm rootin' for you to figure things out, and will love you through whatever happens, and through all of your choices (whether I agree with them or not).

That is all.

"In the beginning..."

This shall be the first of many blogs to come. Is this a means for celebration? Yes, I think it is.

I have decided to become a "blogger" because I tend to write in bulk. It is just what I do naturally. My pen hits paper or my fingers strike a keyboard and I am off, in my own world of thought, for hours and paragraphs on end. I do keep a journal, but I like the feel of composing entries on a computer. Spell check, a backspace key, and the like eliminate annoyances such as unreadable handwriting, eraser/white-out smudges, random arrows (for an attempt at organization), and etc.. This page will provide me with a space in which I can write to my heart's content (and in an organized manner). In doing so, I hope to get my mind around my thoughts and come to understand EVERYTHING more fully. It should be fascinating!